


The Beginning

by sonictrowel



Series: Long Night in the Blue House [81]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Happy not-ending, Humor, Light Angst, Romance, Suspense, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:42:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonictrowel/pseuds/sonictrowel
Summary: It could be said that thoughts of this moment had taken up quite a lot of space in the Doctor’s head since, roughly, the second he realised what he’d given River a sonic screwdriver for in the first place.  It had always been the goal, the ultimate eventuality, the imagined solution so distant that, unlike pretty much everything else in their lives, it left no echoes into the past.  How likely it seemed that he could actually achieve it, or how quickly he wanted to hurtle towards it, had fluctuated greatly over the centuries.





	The Beginning

 

It could be said that thoughts of this moment had taken up quite a lot of space in the Doctor’s head since, roughly, the second he realised what he’d given River a sonic screwdriver for in the first place.  It had always been the goal, the ultimate eventuality, the imagined solution so distant that, unlike pretty much everything else in their lives, it left no echoes into the past.  How likely it seemed that he could actually achieve it, or how quickly he wanted to hurtle towards it, had fluctuated greatly over the centuries.  

For a while, knowing there was too much pain and loss to come, he decided running fast as he could away from it all, away from her, was the best plan.

Idiot.

But they kept being drawn back together; a magnetic force, irresistible, inescapable.  And she was intriguing and enchanting and infuriating, she left him flustered and tongue-tied and embarrassingly turned on.  She was funny and clever and kind and mad and dangerous and just… _perfect,_ and she loved him.  Completely, openly, unconditionally; even when he was being the universe’s biggest arse and giving her nothing in return.  And terrifying as that was, try as he might, he couldn’t keep ignoring it, any more than he could continue to deny the thrill that went through him every time he laid eyes on her, or the ache of longing in his chest whenever she went away.

And then he’d sulk and stew in his fantasies of giving in to her completely, of letting her into his hearts and his life like he hadn’t with anyone else in centuries, and even admitting to himself how _badly_ he wanted it was terrifying.  Because every image of their future bliss was tainted by the loss he’d already seen.  By the knowledge that he’d lose her, and there was not a damn thing he could do to stop it.  Because even as the last of his resistance crumbled, as he was falling hopelessly, wildly in love with her, it hurt.  And he knew, if he was to have her at all, it would always be this way.  That every moment of utter joy she brought to his life was going to be tempered with pain.

But.

Always, in the very back of his mind, he held onto the knowledge that he’d never have put this brilliant, vibrant, unstoppable force of a woman into a cage for the rest of eternity.  She’d given up enough of her life and her freedom for his sake.  She’d given him everything, over and over again, without a thought.  He could never be worthy of her sacrifice.  And he would never, ever do that to River.

Which could mean only one thing.  

That wasn't the end.

 

___

 

Centuries of dreaming of the moment had not prepared him.  In part, because there were quite a lot more people present than had normally featured in his fantasies.  And to complicate things further, one of them would be their daughter, and he didn’t know if River or, indeed, Athena herself, knew that.  And one of them was also him.  He’d told himself it wouldn’t be weird, but in that moment, in the split fraction of a second when his eyes opened and the red glow faded and there stood in front of him, alive and real and heartsbreakingly perfect, his wife and daughter... it was a little weird.

He froze.  He didn’t know where to go first.  Did Athena know him at all?  If she hadn’t retrieved her memories yet, she certainly didn’t want some strange old man hugging her.  But if she did know him, he couldn’t bear to leave her out for a single moment.

River looked to be having a similar split-second dilemma, her wide eyes taking in _two_ of her husband, in a rare situation where, actually, she might have preferred the simplicity of just having one.

Then that first second ticked by, and she broke into a grin, and so did he, and the space began to disappear between them.

He didn’t see any hint of recognition in Athena’s eyes.  She was Anita, still.  That was okay.  They could fix that.  It didn’t even hurt; nothing could hurt him now, because they were both safe and alive.

The younger Doctor had seen River only this morning, and subsequently had the misfortune of witnessing all of his older self’s memories and associated emotional trauma.  Bless him, he let the old man go first.

Gratitude for that bit of benevolence was the last fragment of thought the Doctor had before River collided with him and everything else disappeared.  The shock of it was staggering— her body fitted perfectly against his, warm and real and alive and so, so wonderfully, painfully familiar; her hands on his face and his arms wrapped tight around her, kissing and crying like the two humany idiots they were.  She tasted like sunshine, like all the warmth and light he’d ever needed through their long night, or ever would again.  

Their cheeks brushed together, cool and damp with tears, and god, he had missed her smell, he had missed the little desperate sounds she made in the back of her throat, the soft heat of her mouth on his and her laboured breath fanning over his face as he buried his hand in her curls, but most of all he’d missed _her._  Their minds tangled together, and one or both of them was sobbing a bit, but he definitely couldn’t stop kissing her for something as trivial as crying or breathing.

Somewhere in the midst of _I love you, I missed you so much, don’t ever leave me again,_ he finally felt her regretful awareness that they were not actually alone, and also that he was not the only him present, and he knew perfectly well what a jealous idiot he was, and although she quite enjoyed that about him, they should probably, you know…

Slowly, reluctantly, they parted, and the Doctor looked into her glittering, tear-filled eyes as she smiled up at him, radiant with love and joy.

"Hi," he whispered, barely managing to get his voice to work.

She laughed, and the completely unrestrained happiness in that sound was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.

"Hello, sweetie," she whispered in reply.

He had to kiss her again, just a bit.  Slower and softer.  He had to feel the smile on her perfect lips one more time.

This was it.  This was really it.  The real beginning.  The real forever.  

It didn’t have to hurt anymore.

Buoyed by that giddy thought, he had no trouble returning his younger self’s magnanimity when River leaned to the side and beckoned for him, grinning and laughing again through her tears.

“Now, _you_ two,” she said thickly, “I haven’t exactly been keeping up with the calendar in there, but it _must_ be my birthday.”

When the Doctor finally tore himself away from his wife and looked sheepishly round the room, Bill and Anita were wearing matching tearful smiles.

...Until about a second later, when everyone who wasn’t Bill looked suddenly confused.  The Doctor glanced back over his shoulder and, well, sure enough.

“He’s, uh, me,” he said, scratching the back of his head self-consciously.  “Time travel.  Regeneration.  Bit weird.”

There was a vague chorus of quiet _ohhh_ s from the team.

Hearts suddenly in his throat again, he finally looked at his daughter properly.  He’d known her for such a short time as Anita, but she was everything he’d hoped she would grow up to be.  He couldn’t let himself dwell too much on the loss of her childhood, when Milly and the Ponds had raised her so well.  And now she was here, alive, and they could start over again.  

“Um, hello… Anita,” he said hesitantly.  “You, ah, might’ve guessed—”

“You’re the Doctor,” she said, smiling at him.  “The finished one.  The Professor only talks about you _constantly.”_

“Oh, really?” he asked, grinning.

“You and her little ones.”

“Ah, yes.  Well.  One of them is quite little; the other, not so much, anymore.”

She began to squint in confusion and he answered before she could ask.

“Time travel.  That covers... most of it.”

“Right,” she said, laughing.

“Listen, Ath— Anita… I just wanted to tell you how, how very sorry I am that I couldn’t save you.”  He tried to swallow down the lump in his throat that was making it difficult to breathe, let alone speak.  “I didn’t know, I… I tried, but I couldn’t…”  She was frowning and shaking her head, about to speak, about to forgive him, but she didn't even know how deeply he'd failed her.

The Doctor paused, taking a shaky breath.  “You know what?  Plenty of time for talking later.  We should all get the hell out of here, sort of immediately.”

“Good plan,” said the Fop, who evidently had the use of his mouth again.  “Back to the TARDIS?”

“So, that light, from the screwdriver,” Bill said.  “I got the feeling it was burning up some things in the shadows.  Sort of a lot of them.  Maybe those were the things you were talking about?  And mayyybe we skip the walk back through the very dark corridor?”

“See, that’s why you’re my best student,” the Doctor said.

"Alright, shortcut, then.  Everyone, grab hold of everyone else!  We need everyone linked up or someone’s gonna get left down here.”

Suddenly River was beside him again, and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close and trying not to immediately burst into tears at how overwhelmingly good it was just to touch her, to be near her.

“We’re going to talk about that, by the way,” she said, glancing down at the conspicuously glowing hand the Doctor had extended into the circle.

“Love to, dear,” he said, smiling like a completely besotted fool.  She could scold him for being an idiot to her heart’s content.  There was absolutely nothing she could do to him that he wasn’t desperately looking forward to.  

“And aren’t you going to introduce me to your favourite student?” she asked.

“Bill, meet my spectacular wife, Professor River Song.  River, Bill Potts, recently promoted from human to… slightly omnipotent puddle?”

“Okay, we really need another name for... that," she grumbled.

“And who also just singlehandedly rematerialised all of you.”

“Did you?” River asked, wide-eyed.  “And I was just going to thank you for cheering him up!  We’ve _lots_ more to talk about then, Miss Potts.  I do hope you’ll stick around.”

“Maybe after you all get… settled a bit?” Bill responded, glancing at the multiple Doctors and his oddly, politely distant daughter.

Yeah, they had some family things to get sorted.

“Okay,” she said, “everyone ready?”

River looked across the room to the command node with the face of Charlotte, and smiled sadly at her.  “Thank you,” she mouthed silently.

Charlotte smiled in return.

There was a sort of flash, silent and instantaneous, and they were all in the TARDIS.

“Now that’s an impressive trick,” said the Fop.

“Beats a Vortex manipulator, that’s for sure,” River said.  “Do you do time travel as well?”

“’Course she does,” said the Doctor.  “What kind of puddle-pilots d’you think I’m training here, wife?”

“Let me guess,” River whispered loudly to Bill, scrunching her nose conspiratorially, “he had nothing to do with it.”

Bill grinned at her.

The Doctor thought that he really ought to head to the controls, but he’d probably have to disentangle himself from River to do that, and the very idea seemed absurd.

“Right, so, Miss Evangelista, Daves, anywhere and when you’d like a ride to?” the Fop asked, moving to the console, and the Doctor was grateful for him all over again.  “Don’t mean to hurry you along, only, we’ve somewhere to be.”

“Do we?” River asked under her breath.

“Gallifrey,” the Doctor replied quietly.

“Oh.  Not exactly what I had in mind.”

“I know exactly what you had in mind,” he growled fondly, narrowing his eyes as he grinned down at her.  The stuff happening on Gallifrey did seem pretty important, but it was hard to remember that anything else mattered at the moment but being as close to her as possible and never, ever letting go.

That, and one more thing.

“Anita, stay with us for a bit, won’t you?” he asked.

River glanced up at him questioningly and he gave her a squeeze, thinking directly to her mind, _“I need to tell you a few things right away.”_

“Um, sure, I guess I can do that,” Anita said distractedly, looking round the control room.  

It occurred to the Doctor then that Miss Evangelista and the Daves did not seem as impressed as they ought to be, but then, they hadn’t really gotten the full effect by transporting directly into the TARDIS without seeing the external dimensions for comparison.  Just for today, he’d let that slide.

“Yeah, if you could give me a ride to Luna…” Other Dave started, and trailed off. “And actually, thanks for um, resurrecting us?”

“You may direct your thanks to Miss Potts, Other Dave,” the Doctor said.  “She’s the hero of the hour.”

“Oh, shut up,” she scoffed, grinning in spite of herself.  “But if you need to go, Doctor, I could drop them home.”

The Doctor frowned.  What was going to come after all of this?  Was he ever going to go back to the university?  Maybe not.  Would Bill even go back to Earth anyway?  The TARDIS certainly had room for one more...

“That… might be best for now,” he said regretfully.  “I don’t think I want to introduce you to Gallifrey, just in case they get any other bright fucking ideas about who has the potential to blow them up.”

She raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah… that sounds like a, um, Time Lord family matter.”

The Fop snorted.  “That’s one way of putting it.”

River slipped out of the Doctor’s arms to wrap Bill in a hug.  “You’ll come back, won’t you?” she asked.  “We certainly haven’t thanked you properly yet.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Bill said, “I’m sure you’ll be seeing me.  Actually, I think this is yours, Professor.”  She pulled the screwdriver from her jacket pocket.  “And apparently, I’m on speed dial."

“No goodbyes, then,” River said firmly, taking the screwdriver and smiling at Bill and her team.  “We’ll see you all soon.”

“Except for me, I’m afraid,” the Fop said, joining them from the console.  “I’ve got a bit of a wait.”

If he wasn’t fucking heartbroken for himself already, the sadness in River’s eyes would’ve done it.  Bringing him home was really going to be the hard part.

“I think I’ll have to be heading back to where I belong soon, so… it was lovely to meet you, Bill,” he said, extending his hand.  “I look forward to doing it again someday.”

She brushed his hand aside and hugged him.  Then she joined hands with her passengers.

"Bring Heather home for dinner next time," the Doctor called.

Bill rolled her eyes and smiled, and they were gone in a flash.

“Honestly, she’s making us look bad,” he mumbled.

Then it was just them.  Just the family.  Well, minus one and with a duplicate of another.  Only 'Anita' didn’t know any of that yet.  Presently, she was sort of awkwardly hovering, clearly wondering why she was still here.  Meanwhile, the Fop was looking at her with an expression of disbelieving wonder.  To him, she was his unborn, adult daughter that he’d never met, but could still suddenly remember— both being born and dying, but all in the wrong order.

That… was a lot for even a Time Lord mind to get around.  And he had to break it to River, the sooner the better.  

Unfortunately, that was when the TARDIS decided to take things into her own hands.  The levers and knobs began to operate independently, the time rotor whirring to life.

“Oh, she still does this?” the Fop sighed.

“It’s not her,” River said, darting over to the console and grabbing hold of a monitor.  “Something else is taking control, making a sort of… window.  A shortcut through the Vortex.”

“Shortcut to what?” Anita asked nervously as River rapidly worked the controls.

She spun the monitor to face them, and a familiar planet was displayed on the screen.  

“To Gallifrey.”

 

___

 

The TARDIS landed.

"Anita, you'd better stay inside," the Doctor said.  "River, maybe you too.  It seems like we've got friends here, but... that's not all.  I don't need Madam President finding out you're alive before we've gotten this settled."

"You really expect me to sit back and wait this out while you go toe to toe with the highest power on Gallifrey?"

"Well, there's two of me," said the Fop, "and historically, I do alright against the 'powers of Gallifrey' with just one."

"You just came back to life, honey," the Doctor added.  "Maybe take the afternoon off?"

River rolled her eyes, leaning back against the console and crossing her arms.  "I'll give you two a chance," she said, "but I'm watching the monitors in case I need to stop you from dying of idiocy."

"Love you too, dear," the Doctor replied, and kissed her cheek before shoving his persistently glowing hands into his pockets and heading for the door.

When he shouldered it open, they were back in the Cloisters, and Ariasi had rematerialised.

"How long have we been?" the Fop asked, following him out of the TARDIS.

"About a minute," said the President.  She looked extremely displeased.  "In your absence, your friends have been making threats on our planet."

The blonde woman calling herself Thevros sighed.  "Of course we're not.  We don't even know what's going to happen.  We just know _this_ is the point where it either will, or it won't, and that depends on _your_ decision.  You need u—" she seemed to trip over her own tongue for a moment, _"them_ to defend Gallifrey.  Can't do that if you're tryin' to kill 'em!"

"We're creating fixed time," Ariasi said.  "And you're going to use it to time lock the pasts of the Doctor and his family, so that we _know_ there will be no further interference if anyone gets another bright idea.  Then whatever is threatening Gallifrey today, we'll put a stop to it."

"Who _are_ you?" the Fop demanded.

She smiled at him.  "You'll find out soon."

The Doctor had fallen quiet, fists clenched in his pockets, fighting with all of his might to shove down the flare of energy that was getting ever more impossible to control.  Something about being in the Cloisters seemed to agitate it more.  If he could _just_ _—_

“You can’t do that _now!”_ Thevros suddenly shouted, sounding horrified.

He looked up and she was staring at him, and, oh.  He realised there was quite a lot of glowing, now.  And quite a lot of energy escaping into the air.   _Shit._

“Doctor,” the President said, “are you _regenerating?”_

“No,” he growled, “I am not!”

River burst out of the TARDIS, of course.  “Sweetie, what the hell is going on?!” she demanded, grabbing onto his arm.

“It’s nothing!  I can get rid of it.  Just— just need to _focus!”_

“Get rid of it?!” River cried incredulously.  “You idiot, just do it!  You’re going to hurt yourself like this!”

“That’s what I told him!” said the Fop.

“I can stop it.  I’ve _been_ bloody stopping it.”

“Yes, and look how well that’s going for you!”

He groaned with frustration and exertion.  “Please shut the hell up, me.”

“Doctor, how long have you been trying to repress this?” the President asked, but when he looked at her, she was looking at River, and he saw recognition dawning.

“Oh, hardly any time.  Couple of weeks,” he said through gritted teeth.

 _“Weeks?!”_ River was livid.  She was so gorgeous when she was ready to kill him.  “How is that even possible?  What would that _do_ to you?!”

“It would cause an extremely dangerous buildup of energy,” the President said, apparently deciding to put the River thing aside for this more pressing concern.  “I’ve never heard of anyone containing it for this long, it shouldn’t _be_ possible.  Until he regenerates, the energy release won’t stop.”

“You idiot!” River shouted, grabbing his face in her hands.  “Look at me.  I’m right here.  I don’t care what you come out of this looking like or what terrible clothes you’re going to wear or what weird food fixation you’re going to have, I want you alive!  Now just _do it!”_

“No!” Thevros shouted, and drew back hesitantly when River whirled to face her.  “He can’t do it now, that’s… that’s not how it happens!”

“W— and who the hell are you?!” River demanded.

She opened and closed her mouth, looking aside at her redheaded friend.  Eventually, she quietly mumbled “Spoilers.”

River gaped at her.

“I think,” Ariasi said calmly, “we may have identified the threat of the ‘Hybrid.’”

“What,” the Doctor gasped, “me?!”

“Well, if you want to be technical about it,” she said, “we’re all here.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love you all to bits! Thanks so much for your comments on the last one!! I'm gonna try to keep writing these quickly because we're getting so close to the end!


End file.
